I want to write words that are made of fire and water and burn and claw and grow, rooted, in other people’s lives. I want to see my words branch raw and ready. I want to write. Write what I’m feeling. Write what I want to happen. Write my dreams, my loves, my hates, my prayers, my passions, my desires, my struggles. I want to scrawl out lists, I want to feel shivers race up and down my spine when I write, and I want people to feel the same way when they read my words, too. I want to write. I want to write so hard and just get the words out no matter how brittle I feel or no matter what others think. I’m so often concerned with what others think. It doesn’t matter what they think. I can have my stories, and write them too. If they don’t like it, fine. If they do, fine. I want to write. I want to write like crazy, and love doing it. I want to live so I can: number one, glorify, know, and love God, number two: serve and love and give, and number three: write. It’s a flame, kindled inside me that won’t be swept out. It’s a passion. It’s real.
I want to write.
I want to see people value life, and to know that they’re not going to be here forever. They need to know that they may not have forever to live, and they may not be here for very long. I want to see them live each and every moment intentionally and wholly, being present and real and raw and vulnerable. I want to see them pursuing their God-given passions. I want to see people who begin to care less about what others think of them and what the trend is and stop staring wide eyed at their devices, and start living and making the most of the minutes God has given them. To start serving and giving, and reading and writing, photographing, drawing, organizing, WHATEVER it is that they love and they need to go do. Because we need to go do those things that make God smile, and make others smile, and that we can smile at too. We need to start valuing life, and making the most of things. To start keeping a grateful list and stop complaining every other minute.
I want to start seeing people value life.
I want to wake up early and read my bible for a good, long hour. I want to journal about what God is doing in my life, and start seeing with His eyes and His eyes alone. I’m so, so, so, so, SO selfish, and I never truly desire to see God’s will carried out in my life. But I do. There’s this war that’s alive in my soul, like a huge game of tug o’ war, where the Devil’s pulling on one side, wheezing and coughing, and God’s tugging gently on the other. I so want God to win, but I so often let the Devil win and then, how is that pleasing God and loving him? How is that being faithful to my Daddy? I want to obey him, no matter what. Even if that means giving up my writing. Even if that means giving up my life. He should come FIRST. Because I was loved by him, and he died for me, and he is faithful to me and loves me no matter what.
I want to love God.
These are my passions, whole and true. I'm finding, slowly, who I am and what I love. Thank you Jesus, for showing me, for teaching me. I love you.