I honestly didn’t know where I was going. I dropped out, afraid to show my face and say something that wasn’t true to me, that wasn’t shockingly amazing and good. I need to find out what to blog about! And nothing came. I scrolled through my blogger list of amazing, inspirational blogs, and began to inwardly despair. Maybe I shouldn’t be blogging after all. It’s just sitting there. I wasn’t writing for me, I wasn’t writing for a specific person out there. I was just writing to be writing to be blogging, most of the time.
Now, I’m not so sure I’m done. Writing and photography are my passions. I want to share the fire. I want to get my art out there, and be bold and true. But then: the terrifying question: where to start?
Something intrigued me about certain bloggers I admire. They made a decision to write for themselves, not write for the crowd, decide what their passions were and what they could possibly bring to the table, and then went for it. The dived head first and started projects and were not ashamed to be themselves. That was a mysterious, yet magnificent thing. I couldn’t break away from their ideas, their words, their photographs: because they had a purpose, they had vision and stayed true to who they were.
I aspire to be like them. To not be ashamed to write, to say what I have to say that may never be said if I don’t say it now, to photograph and dream and let God and his beautiful Words bleed through me.
Something I’m learning every day is that I need Jesus more than ever. I need his love, I need his grace, I need JESUS JESUS JESUS and nothing else will do (no matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise). I also know that deep, deep down; I know what I need to do to obey Him and bring the most glory to Him. I know, and I keep holding back, keep hesitating.
My Daddy told me once that I shouldn’t be ashamed or keep back what I thought was my ‘personal life with God’. I am nodding emphatically to that. Yes. Yes. I want this little corner to be a place to share struggles, victories, and God stories simply and honestly.
Sometimes it’s ok to say something. Sometimes its ok to be quiet. As the author of Ecclesiastes says, there is a time for everything. That’s why you may not hear from me some days, some weeks. I choose quality over quantity instead of quantity over quality.
Also, I must mention that my family is a key part to who I am, especially to who I am (by the grace of God) today. They are my closest friends, partners and fellow journeymen on this road of life. They never fail to show me the joys of life, Truth, and point me to Jesus. They love me even when I don’t deserve it. My family is so beautiful. Yes, there are so many painful moments and daily annoyances. But what I so often fail to remember is that the good times and the smiling faces outweigh the bad times. So I want a good part of this little space to be a tribute to them. I’ll say it again: I don’t want to be ashamed to write about them, share pictures and happy moments that I share with them daily. One of my Jesus callings is to view my home as a mission field (right now, in this phase of my life) and to be a minister of Christ’s love and joy and service to my family: even when it’s hard and it hurts like crazy.
I’m still learning. I’m learning what to share, what to hold back, when to open my mouth, when to shut it, when to write, when to put down the pen, when to pick up the camera. I’m learning to write for God’s glory alone, be a minister of grace, and remain a faithful disciple of Jesus Christ.
So, here’s to new beginnings. Welcome, beloved readers, to this little space.