Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Hashtag Community (Pt. 1)

I long for community, whatever that is. For like-minded friends who aren’t afraid to dream big together and sit in silence together and crank up the music loud together and just do life together.
            I don’t know if it’s just me or my personality type, but I don’t have tons and tons of friends to “do stuff” with, compared to others. I have a small cluster of friends whom I love very much but… our social circles don't touch. They live far away. They’re crazy busy.
            I am beginning to understand how much I want community. I keep thinking of community as a group of girls who I’m able to call on to do life, whatever that might mean.     
            Can I rant for a minute? Sometimes, with certain people, I feel like we have to ‘do’ something. Go somewhere. Work on a craft. How about we just sit together and read? Or drive down to the lake and drink coffee?
            Conversations (small talk, really) is just as hard. In some relationships, small-talk isn’t really small-talk. It weaves its way through our what’s-happening-in-Libya conversations and somehow ends up in a fart joke (yes, really.).
            But with others, I want to know how to cut the authentic ‘small-talk’ and make a difference and deepen our relationship somehow with what we choose to converse over.
            Alright, have I said enough about how relationships are super hard and I’m always struggling through them?
                        To be honest, I often ask myself: is it me? Am I the reason behind why I don’t have the relationships I want to have? Or are my dreams getting in the way of reality? Are these sorts of relationships just fantasy?
            I am praying they are not. This ache in my soul won’t end until God opens my eyes to the reality of beautiful community and authentic relationships.
                        Side note: I do believe God is trying to open my eyes through this struggle. Get my attention, so to speak. Show me how I need to cultivate the less glamorous relationships in my life: the ones with Him, my parents, siblings, church body.
                     Can this longing stem from a lack of a deep relationship with Jesus?
            Yet, I won’t stop brooding over the idea of community (what that looks like/what is a relationship vs. friendship/etc.). I’m still considering the war between close, personal relationships and shallow group friendship conversations: and (can there be a peace treaty?) the possible outcome being the best of both worlds.

                        OK, OK, enough rambling thoughts for today. Any thoughts on relationships, community? Do you share any struggles in this area?

1 comment:

Bethany said...

As I'm writing this I'm honestly keeping myself from letting out a torrent of tears.

I never knew that I would ever hear someone else say exactly all that is in my heart, all that I go through everyday. Thank you so much for writing how you feel and what is on your heart, it has touched me to the core. Everything that you said in this post I can fully agree to. I want deeper conversations, I want the friend that we can just sit together and do absolutely nothing,yet still end up having a blast.

As you said I have found that though I have this yearning to truly know what a strong relationship with a friend is like, I know that God is telling me that "HE" needs to be my all and all best friend. I'm working on that...admittedly I can work harder, but I am, yet the yearning for that type of relationship outside of God and my family is still ever present. Thank you so much for this resounding post to my soul!